It was just, you know, Thanksgiving weekend, so Mr. and Mrs. Glib Senior were in town from the city that rocks, the birthplace of rock and roll, the mistake by the lake, Cleveland, OH. In honor of their arrival, I made a “Safe for the Parents” mix on my iPod, complete with classic rock, adult-friendly alternative, and decidedly lacking in power punk.

The tunes got me thinking about one of the bands I was raised on - Fleetwood Mac. Luckily, my propensity for singing “Second Hand News” as a three-year-old (”won’t you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff” - how adorable!) didn’t lead to a life of sketchy incestuous affairs with my friends and cohorts.

Anyway, Mick F and the gang are a prolific bunch - they turned out some catchy sh*t when they weren’t banging each other. Here are my top-five Fleetwood Mac Songs. And yes, I do realize much of my life reads like High Fidelity.

1. “Second Hand News” The aforementioned song and one of the few songs off Rumours that was not released as a single. Short, sexy, and with a helluva scat-singing riff.

2. “Go Your Own Way.” The Macs were at their best when writing hate anthems about each other. This, the first single off Rumours, was reportedly written by Lindsay Buckingham (the hottest of all Fleetwood Mac dudes) about Stevie Nicks. Survived an inclusion in Forrest Gump and made Rolling Stone’s Top-500 songs of all time list.

3. “What’s the World Coming To.”  An odd choice, I admit.  This is the first cut from Say You Will, Mac’s 2003 reunion album.  The harmonies are tight, the guitars are solid, and it’s a fun song to listen to with the windows down, even as the lyrics speak of a world going down the sh*t pipe.

4. “I Don’t Wanna Know.”  Thanks, Chuck Klosterman, for bringing my attention in Killing Yourself to Live to the audible guitar slide-up-the-neck choke about five seconds in.  It bumps this song from about 7 to 4.  Again with the anger and again with the harmonies.  Good pop stuff.

5. “You Make Loving Fun,” The only song on this list on which a female takes lead.  And note that it is Christie McVie, who was always unfairly overshadowed by that slutty chain-smoking Stevie Nicks witch.  The Mama Cass of Fleetwood Mac, minus the weight problem and the untimely demise, Christie has the voice of an angel and it’s never been more sweet than here.

Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow,

Lucy Glib

All you will notice is the skulls … you do not see the cleavage … you is hypnotized!

Another MegaSizzle Original:

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Your human skeleton pal,

Slappy Whyte

So, I wrote all this up yesterday, only to forget to send until, of course, now. All bands in this themed quiz are named after a food of some kind.

Hope everyone in the States had a lovely Thanksgiving!

11-28-08 – QUIZ #369 [scroll down for last week's answers]

1. “The more you change the less you feel, believe, believe in me, believe”

2. “Valentine is done here but now they’re gone. Romeo and Juliet are together in eternity”

3. “I don’t know what the world may need, and I never grasped your complexities”

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“I told you girls, do not f*cking wear a dress that is longer than 6 inches above your knee! … and your hair better be dyed really f*cking blond, or you’re in trouble!  You there, the third from the left in the brown dress, you are really pushing it…”

Another MegaSizzle Facebook Original:

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Your long legged mack daddy pal,

Slappy Whyte

A decade and a half before the Wazzup campaign, Anheuser-Busch debuted this little commercial, about a baseball umpire being called up to the majors.  Found it on YouTube this morning and it brought a tear to the corner of my eye all over again.

Hope all of our American readers are enjoying a peaceful holiday!

Gratefully,
Lucy Glib

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

And what is up with the guy hugging the teddy-bear…

And it is actually a Korean clip, not Japanese.

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Your shake it shake it shake it pal,

Slappy Whyte

Just in case we didn’t miss the nice cleavage, you were nice enough to point it out to everyone.  And I think the guy in the middle may actually be a Vampire, so beware!

Another MegaSizzle Facebook Original:

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Your pointing out the obvious pal,

Slappy Whyte

As a huge vintage GNR fan, I was eagerly awaiting the day that “Chinese Democracy” would finally be released.  I missed the chance to see the band live back in the ole days, and had tickets to see the “Chinese Democracy” tour in London, England in 2001 (the show was canceled … shocking!).

Anyway, I went to Best Buy and got my mitts on a hard copy of what is called a “Compact Disc” or “CD”.

My review of the album upon 2+ listenings:  Good but disappointing  - some good songs (and some with good snippets buried beneath other stuff), but too long (6 songs are over 5 mins 30 secs) and way over-produced (which isn’t surprising given that Axl was tinkering it with for years).  Also several songs feel like 2 or 3 songs combined into 1, with only 1 part that is memorable or quality.  I count 7 quality songs out of 14, pretty sad for the 10 to 15 years that was wasted.

Track 14 “Prostitute” - fairly catchy vintage style metal slower-tempo track - too long, a bit forgettable, should prob have been left off.
Track 13 “This I Love” - is a standout track, emotional slow power ballad - beautiful song.
Track 12 “Madagascar” - is a catchy epic style vintage slow metal song (with the famous “what we’ve got here is … failure to communicate” sound bite from earlier GNR) - spoken samples go on too long. 
Track 11 “IRS” - is a catchy hard rocker that will have you nodding (or banging) your head. 
Track 10 “Sorry” - has Axl singing in a different tone of voice than you prob ever have heard - seems like the lyrics are attacking Slash - vintage style power slow metal song, trite lyrics - not the standout it should be.
Track 9 “Riad N’ The Bedouins” - fast rocker, kind of a throwaway, prob should have been left on the cutting room floor.
Track 8 “Scraped” - Axl reaches almost Judas Priest vocal stylings here, good catchy metal rock jam.  This song would be great live, but I would like to see him to try to hit these notes.
Track 7 “Catcher In The Rye” - mid-tempo story song missing the killer hook.  Always skeptical of songs with “na na na” choruses, but that part is catchy in a 1970s way. Way over-produced yet again.
Track 6 “There Was A Time” - story style song, mid-tempo. Should have been left off the record, this track may actually cause some people to stop listening at this point. WORST SONG ON THE RECORD, AVOID!
Track 5 “If The World” - Axl singing in a soulful falsetto - sounds cool, like Rob Halford meets something RnB - funky, unlike any GNR I can remember - good stuff.
Track 4 “Street Of Dreams” - heartfelt, vintage GNR sounding - another very good song.
Track 3 “Better” - another vintage GNR sounding song meets Glam Rock - a good chorus mixed with a trite, amateurish one, deserves better - coulda been great but disappointing - about 3 songs in 1, and only 1 is good.
Track 2 “Shackler’s Revenge” - industrial crap with a few good parts - like “Better” has good snippets, but overall not good - this time a cool chorus, but the rest is kind of annoying - another that is 2 songs in 1, with only 1 good.
Track 1 “Chinese Democracy” - vintage GNR with noodling guitar solos - fairly catchy - industrial works here, once you get past the nearly 1 full minute of nothing ambient sounds it begins with.

Bottom line: Most of the songs are too long and over-produced, giving it a muddled sound overall (which isn’t surprising given that Axl was tinkering it with for years).  The big prob (among many) is there is not 1 track the quality of “Welcome to the Jungle”, “Patience”, “Civil War”, etc on the whole album (with the possible exception of “This I Love”) — a couple super instant-classics would have made this album just so much better. There are too many spiraling fast guitar solos — apparently done to one-up Slash.

What this album actually needed in my view was a stripped-down vintage Rolling Stones style vibe (mixed with Axl’s Elton John style ballads), not a mixture of Trent Reznor and Judas Priest that many of the tracks remind me of.  Just daydreaming, I would love to have heard a Jack White/Axl collab, not produced by Axl — of course I am a huge White Stripes/Raconteurs fan.  Or even imagine a Beck/Axl collab.  All we get is Tommy Stinson (of The Replacements) on bass, which is cool — but not one duet to be found.

Also, there are just not that many great hooks and classic power ballad type stuff that one would have expected Axl to have by the trunkoad after all these years.  Obviously his Brian Wilsonesque exile was not good for his creative juices.  The lyrics are so-so … there is some expected bitterness, but not as much as I expected, and not enough of the heartfelt sweetness/rawness that was in some vintage GNR.  And some stuff sounds downright amateurish.

Best Tracks:  “This I Love”, “Madagascar”,”IRS”, “Scraped”, “If The World”, “Street Of Dreams”, “Chinese Democracy”

Worst Tracks:  “There Was A Time”, “Riad N’ The Bedouins”, “Prostitute”

Your you know where you are you’re in the jungle baby pal,

Slappy Whyte

RANT WARNING:

I for one am sick of seeing people say “this was posted before” etc etc. It happens on so many sites and boards these days.

You have to remember that not everyone is an innernet mega guru geek like you. 98% of the people probably HAVEN’T seen that pic before. You would be surprised how many people have never even seen Tub Girl, etc.

If something was posted on a fairly obscure site like 4chan or YTNMD, etc, the odds are that most people HAVEN’T seen it.

If something was posted over a year ago originally … well that’s FOREVER in innernet time … so most people prob haven’t seen it.

Stop being a posting police, and let the people enjoy what they want to … f*cking basement-dwelling snobs.

Oh, and 99% of people on the innernet have no idea what the term “internet meme” means either.

I’ve been on the “net” since the early 1990s, when you were still a snot nosed punk, so get over yourself kids.  I was on Prodigy … ever heard of that, kid?

By the way, I found a new pic, has this ever been posted before?

Your flowing against the tide pal,

Slappy Whyte

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel sad.  All flickers of hope have vanished.  I’m talking of course, of Heidi Montag’s misguided step in eloping with Spencer Pratt.  Don’t get me wrong … The Hills is way more amusing with Spencer attached than without, but if he is even 40% as much of an a’hole in “real” life as he is on that sham of a show, girl is in for a world of hurt.  Lonely, desperate, co-dependent hurt.  Mazel tov!

I’m so shellshocked by this turn of events that I’ve crafted this week’s Tuesday Ten in their “honor.”  Toxins and reality shows go hand in hand, so it’s no wonder that it was exceedingly easy to find ten toxic reality show couples.

1. Colin and Christie, The Amazing Race: Season 5.  Damn, a couple more disturbing to watch on film than Speidi.  Colin was impatient, unloving, wicked unkind, possibly racist, and almost certainly violent behind the scenes (allegedly).  He also never owned his bullsh*t.  And Christie stood by and took his slings and arrows, allthewhile maintaining her love for this c*cksucker.  Colin did give us one of the best quotes of the series, claiming “My ox is broken!” when dealing with a frustrating livestock-related challenge.  The two married and reportedly had a child.  Meh.

2. Jeff and Vicki, Celebrity Rehab.  Oh, Kenickie.  Jeff Conaway is now in his second stint at Dr. Drew-led Celebrity Rehab, battling addictions to painkillers, cocaine, and alcohol.  His fellow druggie, girlfriend Vicki, has a penchant for both star-f*cking and bad lipstick.  SHE has now joined him in rehab, conveniently.  They enjoy making out, threatening each other with murder, and crying.  Love is a beautiful thing.  Tell me more, tell me more.

3. Spencer and Heidi, The Hills. Heidi was always sort of an a**hole, but Spencer is the arsenic to her innocent cup of tea.  He’s driven away her family, her friends, and placed her faux-”job” in jeopardy.  Plus, he has a puffy face and bad facial hair, to boot.  But she has bad fake eyelashes and a terrible bleach job.  So they deserve each other.  Actually, they may be the most wonderfully matched couple in the history of L-O-V-E.

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This weekend I was at Mr. Glib’s cousin’s wedding.  Nice family, happy bride and groom, good food and decent drinks.  The DJ, as is the case with 95% of wedding DJs, left much to be desired.  He insisted on a play-by-play, Seacrest-style, for much of the evening.  Strike One.  He played “Cha Cha Slide.”  Strike Two.  He cleared the dance floor entirely - twice.  Once with Rihanna, which made me so, so, so VERY happy.

And then a RESOUNDING Stike Four came with the playing of “Summer Nights.”  Most girls born between 1969 and 1980 have a Grease phase in their life when they blast the soundtrack behind closed doors and skip around in white jeans.  I had this phase - minus the jeans - in late high school/early college.  You sing “We’ll Be Together” with your friends and hope for your own Danny Zucco.  And then, as time passes, you realize the horror of it all.  And not just because Kenickie is now physically disabled and saddled with a crippling opiate addiction.  The horror stems from the simpe truth of Sandy’s realization that to get the guy, she must pick up slutting and smoking and talking with a Southern accent. The horror is tweaked by the fact that Stockard Channing looks older playing Rizzo than she did playing Abby Bartlett.

But the poppy duet that sets the stage (and has ruined so many karaoke nights years later) is a mere microcosm of all that is wrong with this “musical.”  The concept?  Innocent girl and nice guy who likes to talk tough around his dirtball friends meet one summer.  Innocent girl talks innocently to the point of saccharine (”We stayed up, ’til 10 o’clock”).  Loser douche guy talks up his game (”Oh, she got friendly, down in the sa-a-and”).  One or both is under- or over-exaggerating, but they agree to a few things:

“Summer fling, don’t mean a thing, but, ah, oh, those summer nights”

“Then we made our true love vow”

Is this a progression of emotion, encapsulated in song?  Or were they both protesting too much at the beginning, letting their guard down at the end?  Neither - I think the songwriters were lazy, and that’s a pet peeve of mine as you know.

In the fictional world long after Rydell High, I hope BOTH Danny and Sandy are in Celebrity Rehab.

Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers,

Lucy Glib

Not sure who created this picture below first, but it may have been spill.com

Haven’t seen this informercial in a while on late night TV, but here is a Parody of it:

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Your headset wearing pal,

Slappy Whyte

Hot damn, you can always count on the folks at Defamer.com to find the gems. In this here economy, which is to say, sh*tty, people are bidding to spend their Christmas bonus - and then some - on the Christmas Story experience, offered up on eBay. That’s right. Watch in horror your little brother eat like a piggy piggy and the school bully get his tongue stuck to a pole. Get a mouthful of soap and a pair of broken eyeglasses.

In reality, the auction includes the following activities (and more):

• A trip to the former Higbee’s Department Store in Cleveland
• A tour of the Christmas Story museum (huh?)
• A night spent in the Christmas Story house, specifically in Ralphie and Randy’s bedroom
• A morning opening presents, including a BB gun and a bunny suit

Tragically, the Chinese food gets served on December 24. FAILED. Anyone who has seen the movie knows they go out for Chinese on Christmas Day after the turkey gets demolished by the neighborhood dogs.

What’s more bizarre is that this actually takes place ON CHRISTMAS. December 23-26, to be exact. What the eff? Who wants that?

Apparently, a few folks. Bids are up to $3,050, there have been 23 bids, and the auction doesn’t end until Thanksgiving morning. All proceeds benefit the Wounded Warrior Project.

24 hours nonstop on TNT,

Lucy Glib

thx to erffff from da pit and whoever else for this one …

there is a much bigger version, click on the pic to see it!

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Your animated pal,

Slappy Whyte