see below

Slappi Whitti

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Upon further inspection, a scientist said it was a harmless spider in the Whole Foods banana.   Gotta love the thorough news media we have nowadays.
It actually was probably a Wacky Wall Walker

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You think that $225 Fleetwood Mac ticket was a little steep already?  Now competition is no more.  Live Nation and Ticketmaster are merging.  Now, LN is buying Ticketmaster, so maybe things will change for the better, so … nah, I doubt it.  I’m prepared to pay $85 to see Lifehouse again ($25 of which will [...]

Kelly Clarkson’s new single jumps the f*ck right up the Billboard charts, from 97 to 1 (with a bullet). You might say that since she’s been gone, we’ve missed the hell out of her. Welcome back, Kelly!
NBC says it still has two ad spots to sell for this Sunday’s Super Bowl. [...]

Prince Harry, third in line to the Throne of England behind his Pops and his brother William, was reportedly dumped by his law-school girlfriend. He now re-joins the eligible bachelor list, along with George Clooney, Artie Lange, Corey Haim, and the guy who played “Ned Ryerson” in Groundhog Day.
Elsewhere in breakupsville, Glen Hansard [...]

Another guest post from our resident hipster, @crosberg!
You know who I feel sorry for right now? White people. Especially white people trying to talk about Michelle and Barack Obama. After listening to MSNBC anchors awkwardly interviewing guests who said “you can tell he has a sense of rhythm, which is a nice [...]

Oscar nominations came out!  Benjamin Button and Brangelina both scored, my fave lady Kate Winslet got a Best Actress nomination - for the same role in The Reader for which she won a Golden Globe as … wait for it … supporting actress. Oh-kay.  She may continue to be my little Susan Lucci of the [...]

From a guest writer, the young lad MM … um i mean Parade Arcade …
Kiss My Ass, Uncle Sam
Good day to you all. First off, I would like to reintroduce myself. I used to go by “MM”, or something stupid like that, but now my new name is Parade Arcade. Get it?…Parade Arcade! [...]

One of the few celebrities I’ve met in my day was River Phoenix.  It was April 1991, he looked a hot mess, had bad skin, worse hair, was rude, and was, as it turned out, about 2-1/2 years from a very premature death by opiates.  I’ve always felt bad for Joaquin “I used to be [...]

George W. Bush, in one final insult, wants to address the nation with a “Farewell” speech, pre-empting The Office, Grey’s, and CSI in the process.  As @WeSeed noted, could his approval ratings get lower?  I mean, honestly.

Prison Break was cancelled by FOX due to, I guess, low ratings?  Which would make sense since I didn’t [...]

From Star Magazine’s “Hollywood Bodyguards Tell All” article:
Miley “Hannah Montana” Cyrus is a hell-raiser behind closed doors.  She likes to snap risque pics and smooch with her girl friends.
Depiction of what this might look like:

Your achy breaky pal,
Slappy Whyte

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Blind Item Revealed!
From Star Magazine’s “Hollywood Bodyguards Tell All” article:
A former American Beauty “sweet as pie” actress is a hot mess who gets so drunk and out of control its disgusting.  She threw up all over a limo taking her to an event, which the bodyguard had to scrub out on his knees the next [...]

From Star Magazine’s “Hollywood Bodyguards Tell All” article:
Tom Cruise demanded that Katie Holmes cut her hair short, not wear much makeup, and does not allow her to talk to men.
God help the poor girl, I hope she gets out of this mess soon — and with Suri and a lot of $$$ for this sham [...]

If you haven’t heard about this, you must watch the following video.  It’s Ringo Starr bizarrely telling his fans that he will no longer accept any fan mail — it’s the “Peace and Loves” he peppers in that make it truly classic.
The KOAM Howard Stern has played the audio portion of this many times.
Check the [...]

From Star Magazine’s “Hollywood Bodyguards Tell All” article:
Britney Spears thinks Tinkerbell is real and that Unicorns are real animals that live in New Zealand.
Here is a depiction of what may it look like in Britney’s mind when she is in one of her “moods”:

Your aliens are real pal,
Slappy Whyte

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A recent Star Magazine had a revealing article entitled “Hollywood Bodyguards Tell All!”, which actually gave some “real” inside dirt/scoop on several big celebs (and also some “blind items” about other celebs).  It was nice to see some actual dirt in a “gossip” mag, rather than just the latest Heidi/Spencer publicity stunt.  I’m going to [...]

There are presents to be shipped, long underwear sets to be washed, and cookies to be baked, y’all. This Lucy is hitting the highways of America in 48 hours and will be MIA for several days. I’ll be back in a swing that is full come the new year, but for now, please [...]

In this time of goodwill, it is truly more blessed to give than to receive.  Unless you are giving thoughtless crap.  These presents are when someone cares enough to spend a little cash.  Personally, I’d prefer McDonald’s gift certificates.
1. Fruitcake. The epitome of bad gifts, the number one re-gifted abomination.  A dense concoction containing [...]

Pamela Anderson showed up for an art show, missing her pants.  I’ve always defended the girl in a decidedly platonic way.  I find her endearing and sweet.  But damn, her cries for attention are getting embarrassing. Also?  Why does her clutch purse say “Soup” on it?
Time released its list of the best 10 movies of [...]

“Dallas Stars left wing Sean Avery on Tuesday was suspended indefinitely pending a hearing with NHL commissioner Gary Bettman for conduct “detrimental to the league or game of hockey.”
Perhaps the most hated man in hockey, Avery was suspended for making disparaging comments about ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. The Canadian-born actress best known for her role on [...]